2011 was a rough year for me. I actually started therapy this year due to 2011. I never thought I would be a person to ever need therapy, but I’m glad I made the decision to start.
On January 2nd 2011 I lost my Grandfather, Ira Whitley.
On January 27th 2011 I lost my Grandmother, Dorothy Naville.
Between April 22nd and May 1st of 2011 I almost lost my mother to Budd Chiari Syndrome.
And on December 8th 2011 my dog Brew of 11 years died.
This year was the first time I ever had to deal with death so close to me, and it was a lot at one time. I found myself crying everyday and it was hard for me to handle.
In that time, June 17th 2011 I graduated from the Art Institute of Tennessee Nashville with a Bachelor in Photographic Imaging. But I just realized today that I had not picked up my camera more then 2 times since I graduated.
I learn today in therapy that I really need to get back to being myself and loving the things I love again. So I plan to type out how I’m feeling and attach a photograph explaining myself as much as possible.
When I started therapy I realized how much I hate to cry, and I shouldn’t hate to cry, it’s a normal, human thing to do. But in my eyes crying has always been a sign of weakness. So since I was twelve I have been bottling up my feelings and refusing to cry. Now that I have done that, since so much happened this year, I can’t seem to stop. So I am teaching myself how to grieve properly and tell myself its ok to cry. Crying to me makes me feel naked and that people can really see me the way I don’t want to be seen. I’m learning its ok to let a little bit of skin show, little by little. So I photographed myself this way expressing how crying makes me feel to others and in the processes teaching myself that its ok to let people see me this way. Ah, therapy.